All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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