I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize
