worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
