I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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