I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
