I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
