God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I need to stop coming to work sober
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
