I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
