He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
