Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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