she was so not down for the gang bang
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
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