I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
