the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
We talked him into tasing himself.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
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