I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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