A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Sext me about skeletons
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
