i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
