Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
