we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
