Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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