i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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