Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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