just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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