absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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