hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Randomize
