I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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