i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
