Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
You were trust falling into bushes
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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