What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
