oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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