I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Every concussion has its silver lining
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
