I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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