just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
even my farts smell like vagina
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
