Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
If I had your ass I would rule the world
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
