You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
why is half of my head shaved?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
