i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
