There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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