we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
