I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
