Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
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