so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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