GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
