they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
