thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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