My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
