she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
