i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
