how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
