you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
