He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
