I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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