i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
